Seeing things from a different cultural perspective is easier than you might think

----By Kathleen Lau

When I first started writing this column almost three years ago, I wrote with the idea of explaining to the foreign manager how even the most basic concepts can be misunderstood by someone with a different set of experiences. Over time, the stories evolved to the point that they have lately been mostly about Chinese staff. The common goal of all the stories has been to highlight the many hidden nuances of relating with the locals that cannot be solved by a simple translation - in essence, what is sometimes "lost in translation".

Time being a compressed concept in Shanghai, much has changed between then and now. The profile of the typical foreign businessperson has shifted. Today, many come with their families, and companies are more experienced in helping them settle in. The locals have changed as well. The hapless assistant of three years ago is now the crackerjack group leader, easing the expat boss's pains immensely.

Of the changes foreigners and locals have had to make in order to better understand one another, I think the foreigners have had it a lot easier than the natives. Much of what has changed in China was cued by the Western world.

Thus, expats have the advantage of being somewhat like time travellers; we know what it's supposed to look like, and we only have to wait for the locals to get there. Seatbelts and crossing at the light? That's new only here. Banking services and state-of-the-art medical care? We've enjoyed those for years. The list goes on.

When we look back to who we were when we first arrived, we're often amazed at our naïveté and we marvel at how far we've come. All the strange sounds that we couldn't retain we now repeat daily. The bizarre flavours that made gave us shivers have now become our favourite dish. We can be proud of how far we've come.

It is now you who can give newcomers the heads-up on all the things that are lost in translation. Therefore I pass this job to you, and this will be my last story. But before I leave you completely to your own devices, I would simply offer one piece of parting advice as your exiting translator:

No matter how odd, illogical or senseless someone's behaviour might seem to you, just keep in mind that in the other person's mind, he or she has a reason and is being totally reasonable. You would only have to shift five degrees to see how the world looks from their perspective.

Try to understand

This has been my quest in China - to make that five-degree shift, to ask why and follow the breadcrumbs that lead to seeing something differently. It has been hard not to be judgmental, and often I am.

But before I congratulate myself too heartily on my flexibility and open-mindedness, I have to admit that when it comes to changing, the Chinese have me by a mile. I am awed over and over again at the depth of changes I see before my eyes.

From grandfathers to pre-adolescents, there is not one person in China who has not had to make a perspective shift. We are living in their history, witnessing fundamental social changes taking place in their lives. We can only guess at the Herculean effort it requires.

Let me tell one final story to illustrate my point. Susan is in her 50s. She came of age during the height of the Chinese Cultural Revolution. One person in her family had to go to the countryside, so Susan chose to go to save her brothers the anguish. The reassignment turned into an eight-year hardship.

Upon returning to Shanghai, she got married and had a baby. She was swept along with China's social changes without complaint or bitterness. Then came the era of Reform and Opening, and she became an entrepreneur. Rather than a college diploma, she had the raw courage to brave another new adventure.

Such was the way things were until she spent a year living in the United States. There, she learned English and made friends with Americans, who talked about living their dreams, realising their goals and finding happiness.

More than the new language or learning to drive or anything that she experienced in the US, it was this concept of individual happiness that seemed the most foreign to her. She had lived her life in duty and obligation; happiness had never entered the picture. Now, listening to her new friends sparked some hidden desire she didn't know she had. What made her happy? And how would she go about finding it?

All was still unknown, but one thing was becoming increasingly clear: She enjoyed her new friendships. She was excited about her new life. Energised and expectant, she returned to China to see where her life could go next.

But it was exactly this excitement and sparkle that threatened Susan's family. Her husband and daughter thought her new behaviour was unbecoming and irresponsible. Her own family, in-laws and friends she'd known for decades all encircled her to "tsk, tsk" at her strange new ideas of happiness. Worst of all, they asked her to end contact with her new friends. "They're the ones putting these ideas into your head. Your place is here with us!" they repeatedly told her.

"It's too much," she confided to me the last time I saw her. She had been back in Shanghai barely a month and already the brave new world she knew was fading. "It's easier to do what everybody expected. I can't fight them all."

The pull of home

Now, Susan is not a wide-eyed teenager rebelling against the establishment. Nor is she a careless adult running from her responsibilities. She is someone who has endured the worst and found the strength to rebuild a life. She has surmounted all the obstacles in her way, until now.

"When it was about going up against the authorities or fighting with the competition, I felt fearless. But up against people who are close to me, I have no force. I'm going to forget about my happiness and continue as I've always been. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Susan's story is not over. She has a decision to make, and I can only hope that she will decide to do what's best for her.

But which decision is that? While I have my suspicions about what the outcome will be, I know that either way the effort is monumental. "Five thousand years of history," as the Chinese are fond of saying. But they also have another saying: "It is easier to move mountains than it is to change yourself."

It is our privilege as foreigners in this land to be a witness to mountains being moved, every day. Good luck on your journey.

© Copyright 2008 by Kathleen Lau. No part of this may be reprinted - in any language or format, printed, electronic or otherwise - without express written permission from author.